I am in love

Love and relationships

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Last Sunday, at Manjushri class, David Lai shared with us a Dharma talk given by His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche on the special occasion of the marriage of Suzan Ng, a Kecharian who had met Rinpoche through her parents a long time ago.

Appropriately, David named this afternoon’s talk “I am in love” and explored six special ingredients for staying in love! Over years of counseling couples, Rinpoche has distilled these six easy essential ingredients that form the basis for marriage vows:

I will be faithful to you

When we are not faithful, it breaks our partner’s heart. It creates mistrust, it makes our loved ones worry about us tremendously and if we have children, our children will be adversely affected.

I will support you in all difficulties

We must not let our partners feel abandoned and let them feel that they are alone with their problems, or even let them feel that we don’t support them in their difficulties. When we cannot help or solve the problems, the least we can do is to sit by their side and give them relief by holding their hand, giving a warm smile, making a hot cup of tea or making our partner a nice meal.

I will improve on my weak points for you

We should never think that in a relationship, our partner must change and transform for us. We should change to be a better person for our partner because our partner has to live with us.

We must be kind because our partner is the one that we have chosen to be with. If we have a problem with our partner, we should solve it before going to bed; never go to sleep with disagreements still between you.

I will defend you

We should never say horrible things, complain or say unpleasant things about our partners to other people. We should make other people love them for their good qualities by talking about them.

I will respect your beliefs

Our partners may have their own cultural beliefs – their own way of doing business, work ethics, raising the family, cleaning the house, driving the car and shopping, etc. They may have their own religious beliefs or ethical beliefs so as a partner, we need to respect them. We must not block them from doing what they believe in. If we love our partners, we will let them do what they love to do.

I will share what I have with you

Whatever we have, we must share it with our partners (that doesn’t mean that we can take advantage of our partners though). Whatever we have promised to our husband, wife or partner when we first met them or later in our relationship, we must keep. If we keep that promise, our partner will gain confidence in us. If for whatever reason we cannot keep our promise to each other, we must sit our partner down to talk and explain why we cannot keep these promises.

After the talk, there was a very lively discussion between the participants of the class who all asked questions about various aspects of relationships, marriage and partners. Thanks to David, who was able to give more insights based on Rinpoche’s teachings, all left with pragmatic advice which we can start applying to our relationships for the better…so here’s to better relationships, sound marriages and many happily-ever-afters!

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